In a world that often promotes self-absorption as self-love, it can be challenging to discern whether we’re truly loving ourselves well or merely indulging in selfish pursuits. How do we know if we’re striking the right balance between caring for ourselves and serving others in the community we’re called to?
The biblical injunction to “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39) implies that self-love is essential. After all, how can we effectively love others if we don’t first love ourselves? However, this commandment also warns against the dangers of excessive self-focus.
On one end of the spectrum, there’s the peril of becoming so consumed with our own needs and desires that we neglect the needs of others entirely. It’s a trap where hours are spent chasing the elusive standards of the “perfect body,” the “perfect career,” or the “perfect image,” leaving little room for genuine connection and service to others.
Conversely, there’s the risk of losing ourselves in the needs and expectations of those around us. In unhealthy relationships or roles like motherhood, individuals may sacrifice their own well-being in the relentless pursuit of meeting others’ needs, forgetting that self-care is equally important.
So, how do we navigate this delicate balance in a healthy way?
Firstly, it involves cultivating self-awareness and introspection. Understanding our own needs, desires, and limitations is crucial for maintaining a healthy sense of self-love without veering into self-absorption. As we sit at the feet of Jesus each day, we must ask Him to lead us into how He wants us to serve and if there are any ways within us that are becoming self-serving.
Secondly, it requires setting boundaries and priorities. Learning to say no when necessary and prioritizing self-care activities that nourish our mind, body, and soul is essential for avoiding burnout and maintaining a balanced life. It is essential that you take care of yourself well each day and until you have done so, other activities are a no.
Lastly, it entails cultivating a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity. Recognizing that self-love and service to others are not mutually exclusive but rather complementary allows us to approach both with a sense of generosity and grace.
An analogy that I find helpful is thinking of the different areas of our lives as dogs. Regardless of whether or not you like dogs, you’ve got a whole house full of them and it is your responsibility to keep them alive. You’ve only got 24 bones each day that you can feed them. You don’t want any of them obese and you don’t want any of them to starve to death. Depending upon where you are at in your life (single, married or retired) the dogs that have adopted you and are in your house might be a bit different. At any given time you will have the dog of responsibility (career/school), another one called family, another one called friends/community. You will also have the dog of health, another one called finances. Others could include growth, food, and even fun. Each of these areas it is your job to make sure that you are feeding this “dog” that is living in your house. If you don’t you are going to have chaos in your house in some form or fashion. A starving dog isn’t very nice and an obese one is going to ensure that you are going to have at least a couple others that are real hungry.
Ultimately, navigating self-love in a culture that often glorifies selfishness requires intentionality, humility, and a commitment to living a life that honors both ourselves, the Lord, and those around us. It’s about finding the sweet spot where self-care and service intersect, allowing us to authentically love ourselves and pour out into the world with compassion and grace.
